Please Note:  Click Here if you do not laugh at any of these jokes.

June

Subject:  The Lesson

First year students at med school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.  They all gathered around the surgery
table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, " In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities. The first is that you not be
disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked on it. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on
it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second important quality is observation.  I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.  Now learn to pay attention."

Subject:  The Rescue

A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest. The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"

"Last year, I shot a sixteen-hundred-pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.

"How'd you manage that?"

"Twelve trips."

Subject: The Pearly Gates

Two women are new arrivals at the Pearly Gates and while waiting for their judgment they start comparing stories on how they died.

Barb says “Well, I froze to death.”

“How horrible,” Martha replies.

“It wasn't so bad,” Barb says. “After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

“I died of a massive heart attack, Martha replies. “I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.”

“So what happened?”

“I was so sure there was another woman there, somewhere, that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!

“Oh, too bad you didn't look in the freezer,” Barb says. “We would both still be alive.”
 

Subject:  Sex Stories

QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:  'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:  'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Special Thanks to Lisbeth and Jim Hynes for sharing these stories

February Humor        March Humor        April Humor    May Humor